Health & Medical Self-Improvement

What Rules Our Life!

What is it that causes people to fight; what is it that causes two people to witness the same incident and then have a completely different perspective and description for what happened? RULES!! You have RULES for everything in your life, from how the dishes should be washed to how a new person has to act for you to like them.
"What would someone need to do to make you feel disrespected?" "If someone wanted you to feel totally disrespected what would they need to do?" Your rules will answer the questions listed above.
Rules, where are they from? Many of the rules you have were developed in childhood and come from your parents, this is due to the fact that you spent so much time with them.
If you like to feel 'loved' in a certain way, there is a big chance that is the way your parents loved you.
You develop a system to get your parents 'attention & love' which moves you toward 'pleasure' and away from 'pain'.
As time passes you absorb a system of thinking into your everyday behaviour (and your perception of other people's behaviour).
This system is the criteria for the rules that govern your life- how to find pleasure and move away from pain.
Everyone will have thousands of rules for everything that they consciously didn't choose to have, my role as a coach is to help you create new rules that empower you and help you feel great.
Many of your rules will not be serving you and will hold you back from achieving you goals/dreams.
The good news is they can be changed as 'Rules are nothing more than beliefs about what happens IF.
You can think of them as "If..
..
..
..
..
Then" Statements
Examples: If you love me, then you will hug me If you smile, then you like me If it is raining, then I feel depressed If I earn £1M, then I am successful And we have these rules - all the time - for everything that happens to us.
1.
We need to think of something that we want to have - I will show you that it is your rules that allow you to feel good and feel bad when you want something.
2.
By uncovering and changing your rules, then you can change the way you feel about things.
In other words, this work can be the key to your whole success in making changes in your life.
3.
Have a think and get yourself to think of three things you value (love, work, health etc.
) Lets look at Love as an example, and use the rules listed below as to what has to happen for you to feel love.
1.
To feel loved I need to get a gift once a month 2.
To feel loved I need to be told 'three times' a day 3.
Always get a hug in the evening I will use success as another example so that you can see exactly what I mean: 1.
To be a success I need to earn £300,000 a year 2.
To be successful I need to get promoted once a year 3.
Never to be down about work So you can see the individual in the example is placing the 'rules outside their control, in fact whenever people use universal qualifiers such as"always" and "never", they are setting themselves up to feel bad as there rules are more or less impossible to achieve.
The purpose of this part of the process is to make you see how difficult it is for you to 'feel' the way you want to.
The rules you set are making it very difficult to find 'pleasure'.
You can see you are going to get 'pain' most of the time with your current rule structures.
So what do you think, is it easy or hard to feel good? Have you ever sat down and purposely worked out what needs to happen for you to feel good!! Lets look at what rules we have for feeling thenegative states of say Rejection, Anger, Hurt.
Here are some Rules for feeling bad: 1.
People not to smile at me when they see me 2.
People disagree with me 3.
People criticize what I do Anger Rules 1.
When people Question me 2.
When people cut me off on the road 3.
When people are rude to me Hurt Rules: 1.
I will feel hurt if I am not openly supported when I make a mistake 2.
I will feel hurt if my phone call is not returned by my friend So you can see how easy you have made it to feel the bad values and how difficult you have made it to feel the good values.
Does this shock you!! New Rules: Lets choose rules which we have control over!! Guidelines: You must be in control, you cannot have rules that are controlled by others (You cannot guarantee promotion as it is not you decision, but what you can do is ensure you have more skills to be more promotable!) 1.
The new rule expressed by the client as "Anytime I..
..
" Moving towards PLEASURE: Successful - anytime I live by my own riles Successful - anytime I learn something Happy - anytime I smile Loved - anytime I am loving Passionate - anytime I am passionate Confident - anytime I go for it Integrity - any time I live by my own rules Moving away from PAIN: Rejected - when I fail to listen to my inner voice Failure - when I don't learn something from a situation Angry - when I don't live by my new standards Lonely - when I isolate myself Failure - only when I give up completely These examples show you that you can change your rules and give yourself the power to feel good, the longer you give your power and rules to other people the more stress and difficulties you will experience on a daily basis.


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